Despite a new Prime Minister being typically considered a major moment in British politics, it is hard to think of anything worthwhile to say. I am glad to see Starmer go. The man was a mix of awful and incompetent that it is hard to imagine will be matched again. But it does not follow that Andy Burnham is any better. Not a single shred of evidence suggests this; and yet here we are, with a breathless media lauding him as the saviour of the British left. Even Jeremy Corbyn – admittedly a man whose reputation drops every time he opens his mouth – has said that he is “strangely hopeful.” Why? What possible reason is there for this?

Let us consider who Burnham is. He is a Blairite career politician who made his name introducing privatisation into the NHS and voting for the Iraq War. His lauded transformation of Manchester involved a “nationalisation” of bus services that was no such thing, and a mass redevelopment that produced almost no affordable houses and instead gentrified large portions of the city whilst funnelling money towards his corporate friends. He decries neoliberalism, and yet everything he does is neoliberalism. He speaks in the same vague platitudes as Starmer – hope, change, fixing the things that need fixing, changing the things that need changing – and offers not a single piece of evidence as to how he intends to do that, besides cutting disability benefits to fuel the defence budget.

What we have instead is a vast wealth of data suggesting that he is going to change nothing at all. He criticised the fiscal rules of Rachel Reeves, and now he commits to them. He railed again Israel, and now gives permission to use British bases for strikes on Iran. He said that trans people should be treated with dignity before saying that the new, viciously transphobic guidance should be implemented in full. He advocated for migrants to have access to the welfare system before remembering that no, they should not. He was pro-EU, until he wasn’t. He was pro-BLM, until he wasn’t. He is yet another in a succession of visionless neoliberal politicians who will say anything to get elected, but ultimately stand for nothing except cruelty, immiseration, and slow inevitable decline.

And the media love him, because this suits them just fine. The Labour Party loves him, because his “northern charm” might offer them a few months of grace with the public – and besides, his reputation serves to neutralise the surging Green Party in a moment when they might have replaced Labour as the default party of the left. The public at least tolerate him, because it always takes a year or two for reality to set in. Reform are imploding under the weight of their own corruption. Here we go again; 3 more years of Northern Starmer, then probably 5 of some dreadful little Tory. The only hope I have left for Britain is euthanasia.